This was supposed to be the year of making powerful strides toward my goals.
It’s turning out to be more like the year of bumbling along, staring at my shoes, making forward progress in increments so small that snails pass me gleefully, puffing out their sticky little chests.
For instance, I was going to purify my diet, slim down, and purge my closets of clothing in double-digit sizes.
Bwahahaha! *Pounds floor, wipes tears of merriment.* Hoo boy, THAT hasn’t happened!
I really, really thought that blogging about my goal would have a positive effect. It’s the digital equivalent of shouting your intentions through a megaphone. Who wouldn’t be too embarrassed to follow up on a goal after shouting it out to the world?
Me, that’s who. I forgot to allow for my innate stubborn streak.
Actually, I forgot the stubborn streak existed. Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project wrote a great blog post: http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2013/04/take-this-poll-are-you-an-upholder-questioner-rebel-or-obliger/ on what type of personality you have. The idea behind her post: you can be one of four kinds of people: the kind of person who 1. obeys all the rules, 2. disobeys all the rules, 3. questions the rules & adopts them only if they fit, or 4. obeys others’ rules & disobeys self-imposed rules.
Well, I’ll dot every “i” and cross every “t” when it comes to outside rules…like obeying the law. But if I decide to do something good for myself, I’ll fight like a hormone-crazed baboon against my self-imposed rules.
If I decide that I shouldn’t eat sugar, for example, then sugar is all I can think about. All my friends’ Facebook posts seem to be filled with delectable items that begin with the magic words: “mix two cups of sugar into one softened stick of butter” and end with “bake at 350 for 30 minutes or until toothpick inserted near center comes out clean”. O.o And, of course, mouth-watering photos are included!
I go through all the types and variations of sugar, trying to reason away my own rules. If white sugar is bad, then brown sugar is not so bad, right? And if I bake something with honey, I’m practically Gandhi on a hunger strike. Little bees will dance around my hair and I will grow strong and lean and allergy-free from all the wonderfulness I am consuming if it’s honey-sweetened, right? Right? Rightrightright?
If the recipe includes some items like a boxed cake mix or Cool Whip or pie filling, then I can pretend that no sugar is actually involved since the “s” word never actually appeared in the recipe.
Okay. Wrong. I know. I’m not stupid, just…stubborn. And maybe a little addicted.
I read an article the other day comparing refined white carbs to crack cocaine. There’s probably no one on earth who would say that crack is good for you…but it’s simply a refined product of the coca leaf, which makes (so I’m told,) a fine beverage when steeped.
Ditto with beets or corn or sugar cane: they are fine as vegetation, but when distilled down into the pure powdery essence of sugar or high fructose corn syrup, they become as addictive as any drug.
Well call me a crack addict and preheat the oven, ’cause there are more delicious recipes to be baked!
No, really…I continue to experiment with my diet and my own afflicted psychology. If announcing my intentions doesn’t work, I’ll try something else, and keep trying until something works.
One good thing in the last couple of months: I’m off diet sodas. I’ve seen some positive effects from this…but weight loss is not one of them.
Just one thing. I’ve managed just one thing. *Reaches behind head to pat self on back.*
Now for the next dozen…